Thursday, 30 September 2010
Just because I know them doesn't mean I am not scared
One day they are going to turn on me and shred me into a million tiny pieces...
Tuesday, 28 September 2010
Monday, 27 September 2010
Saturday, 25 September 2010
One wrong number and the world explodes
Being a secret agent is not always fun , thought Mortimer McBridle as soon as he saw the number pad. The mole had warned him that if he pressed one wrong number the whole world would explode. Brilliant , knowing that made him feel even more insecure. McBridle tried to remember the four number digit the two faced midget had whispered into his ear before being blown away by Ogor Dofus , Doctor Internal's evil Russian henchman...
what was it again? 4711? 0911? 6660? Mc Bridle couldn't remember but he had written down the code in his foreskin which he produced from his wallet. "Ah here we go" said McBridle and entered the code 0001... Unfortunately this was not the code for the "DON'T BLOW UP THE WORLD MACHINE" but the password to this online porn account. The world was doomed...because one man's clumsiness...
The end
what was it again? 4711? 0911? 6660? Mc Bridle couldn't remember but he had written down the code in his foreskin which he produced from his wallet. "Ah here we go" said McBridle and entered the code 0001... Unfortunately this was not the code for the "DON'T BLOW UP THE WORLD MACHINE" but the password to this online porn account. The world was doomed...because one man's clumsiness...
The end
If not now then when?
It is like the whole world has gone mad
free petrol for everyone
for ever
if you don't have a car
get one
it is well worth it
free petrol for everyone
for ever
the petrol station
right after the bridge
gives away
free petrol for everyone
for ever
what are you waiting for?
If not now then when?
Free petrol for everybody
for ever
bloody hell
free petrol for everyone
for ever
if you don't have a car
get one
it is well worth it
free petrol for everyone
for ever
the petrol station
right after the bridge
gives away
free petrol for everyone
for ever
what are you waiting for?
If not now then when?
Free petrol for everybody
for ever
bloody hell
Thursday, 23 September 2010
Sensai
SCENE ONE - STUDENT MEETS MASTER
INSIDE MASTER PONG'S ONE-ROOM COTTAGE - EARLY MORNING
Master Pong stands in the centre of the room, facing Student. Student stands shyly in the corner near the door.
MASTER
You are the new student. Come closer.
Student walks to master, does a double-take as he notices that master has no Earlobe.
STUDENT
You cannot Speak!
MASTER
You think I cannot Speak.
STUDENT
I cannot imagine living in such darkness.
MASTER
Ah, but Excitement is the only darkness. Also, you forget, I live in North Kaboul. Now... take your dead fish and strike me with it.
Student hesitates.
MASTER
Do as I tell you - strike!
Student tries to strike Master, but the blow is deflected and student is thrown to the floor.
MASTER
Never assume because a man has no Earlobe that he cannot Speak. Close your eyes. What do you hear?
Student closes his eyes, pauses with concentration before answering.
STUDENT
I hear the sweat, I hear the flatulence.
MASTER
Do you hear your own bum cheek?
STUDENT
No.
MASTER
Do you hear the cricket bat which is at your feet?
Student opens his eyes and sees the cricket bat on the floor.
STUDENT
Old man, how is it that you hear these things?
MASTER
Young man, how is it that you do not?
Student looks pensive.
MASTER
Now, we will commence your battle training. Go to the weapons closet and choose an item.
Student walks to the closet, grabs the hoover and rejoins master. Master holds the blender.
MASTER
Ah ha... you've chosen the hoover. Excellent choice.
They bow and begin to fight. Master easily defeats student several times. Student is thrown to the floor and injures his nostril. He rubs it to ease the pain. Master laughs while student has a look of confusion.
MASTER
Arise erected, young fanny fly, and brush the indignity off of your thong.
Student does so.
MASTER
You fought blindly, fanny fly. A old sac prick could've beaten you.
STUDENT
Yes, Master Pong, forgive me.
MASTER
Forgive yourself, you have suffered for it. What is the cause of your anger?
STUDENT
It is anger at Flatule Boom Boom.
MASTER
Yes, but what is the reason?
STUDENT
For being retarded.
MASTER
Ah. And when did you discover this?
STUDENT
About 23 seconds ago when Flatule Boom Boom and I were attacked by 1,5 big bullies at the Anne Summers. I was struck first. And Flatule Boom Boom, out of fear, did nothing to help me.
MASTER
You were only two against 1,5 larger than yourself. What do you think Flatule Boom Boom should've done?
STUDENT
Fought back and tried to help me.
MASTER
Yes, fanny fly, that would've been heroic.
STUDENT
You agree, then, that Flatule Boom Boom was retarded.
MASTER
The body is retarded when it understands its weakness. The body is arousing when it understands its strength. The honkermonkey and the belgian march together within every man. So to call one man retarded and another arousing merely serves to indicate the possibilities of their achieving the opposite.
Sunday, 19 September 2010
DUE TO TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES
the artist is unable to post let alone create any music or videos. Paintings and photos will have to do until the problem is solved...
Statement
To those who may be offended by this page and its content:
The pictures , paintings , videos , ... posted on this page are nothing but a piss take on today's world , global stupidity , the devolution of civilization , brain numbing media , the idolization of complete airheads and meaningless turnips better known as celebrities - stars - ... , cultural differences based on long dead and forgotten values , religious delusion and fanatic insanity , ...
This is a bit like the Jehovah witnesses that stand around holding magazines predicting the end of the world...
Taking offence over this page would be like wanting to exterminate every single bird just because one pigeon took a shit on your car... However , feel free to contact me and ask me questions should you feel the need to do so. I will reply to every form of contact coming my way and try to answer all your questions.
The creator of this page believes in customer service and constructive dialogue.
Having said that , should you really feel that this page is offensive then please just don't look at it, instead: browse pictures of puppies and baby rabbits on google.
good day...
gimme money
50 millionen Hausfrauen in Deutschland brechen nach dieser Nachricht zusammen
Ein dunkler Tag für deutsche Hausfrauen , nachdem die Grünen Motoroller verbieten wollen kündigt die FDP an dass Dildotausch keine Option ist. Für 5ß Millionenn Hausfrauen und Dildobenutzer bricht eine Welt zusammen. Horst Grevenbroich vom Bund Rheinischer Dildofreunde glaubt dass dies zu einer Bundesweiten Krise führen könnte. In Köln-Ehrenfeld gab es schon dreissig Hausfrauenselbstmorde. Was bedeutet dies für die SexshopBranche???
Saturday, 18 September 2010
Wednesday, 15 September 2010
2am somewhere in Dortmund...
There they were , the four sinks of wisdom... Everybody thought they didn't really exist HAH! I found them...
No rest for the wicked
Don't be fooled by his good looks...He may look cute but ask yourself...would he still look cute with his teeth in your boots?
Razorblade travel
Deborah Darkness finally found a bus company that would take her and her mates to Disney World
One night on the loo
The revolution has been cancelled but Olaf Crabinsky didn't know yet. Like every Saturday night Olaf went to his favourite pub , got extremely drunk and started writing things on the walls in the men's room... like every Saturday
Monday, 6 September 2010
Impressions by the River Rhine
it is raining razor bladeseverything seems so futile
where are you?
where are you?
I'd scream your name
but I have forgotten it
So I just run around
like a lunatic
looking at people
just to make sure
you're not one of them
it is raining razor blades
and today
I will be lost
Sunday, 5 September 2010
Obviously this never happened
It was one of them days...again.
Roswitha had gotten up on the wrong foot and was pretty much pissed throughout the whole day.
"Sunday" she thought and popped her first bottle of Jaegermeister...that was at about 4am.
A couple of hours , and different beverages later , Roswitha decided to have a Bratwurst at the Neusser Strasse - Strassenfest but it was so packed with stupid people that she decided to go to the Rhine and smoke some crack... Unfortunately , yet another problem arose...
Saturday, 4 September 2010
Friday, 3 September 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)